A Sermon Where You Do the Talking!

Note: The relational meetings went really well. I have received great feedback ... looking forward to more! 

Yom Kippur Morning 5774. 

“Relationships are the primary context of existence.” Thomas Berry, a Catholic priest, theologian (from GSO, who died in 2009) who had the preferred title of: Earth Scholar.

“It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make a fitting help-mate for him.” God. Genesis 2:18.  

What do we learn about Creation in Genesis 2, that we did not learn in Genesis 1? Many things – but what concerns me right now is the quote from Genesis 2:18. Evidently, Creation is not complete UNTIL we are in relationship with one another.

From Genesis 2 on…if the Torah is about anything, it is about relationships.

Cain/Abel. Two brothers who don’t stay brothers very long. But are in relationship.

God and humanity – which is really an on-going relationship, but it goes a bit sour with the generation of the Flood, followed by that of the Dispersion (Tower of Babel).

Think of the all the relationships in the Bible –

Abraham-Sarah-Hagar-Ishmael-Isaac.

Isaac-Rebecca-Jacob-Esau.

Jacob-Rachel-Leah-Laban-Bilhah-Zilpah-13 kids.

Joseph and his brothers.

Joseph & Pharaoh.

New Pharaoh and the Israelites.

Moses & Pharaoh.

Moses and God.

Moses and the Israelites.

Nadav & Avihu & Aaron.

And the importance of preserving relationships and honoring them:

Between parents & children (honor mother and father).

Who you can and cannot have intimate relationships with (Lev. 18)

Relationships between people and the land (sabbatical year, corners of your fields)

Relationships between moral actions and decisions and your relationship with the community…and the blessings or curses that will follow based on those relationship and moral decisions.

If, as Thomas Berry said, “Relationships are the primary context of existence,” then how we live in relationship determines our very existence.

Dr. Ron Wolfson recently wrote a book, whom some people have questioned if it was really needed. “Relational Judaism,” is the name of the book. Isn’t that something we already know? Or isn’t it redundant?

The general point of the book: People join and stay in synagogues for relationships. Did we need a book to tell us that? Maybe. The publisher thought so. But maybe we need a reminder. We need stories. We like empirical evidence – like the story of the woman who belonged to a shul for 20 years and then dropped her membership. The rabbi called to find out why. “Helen, you go to all our adult education classes and come to services all the time – why are you leaving the temple?” “Because I don’t know anyone.” Oh.

We come here to pray, to be inspired, to learn how to live as Jews. But we come here – in general – we belong – because we are in search of relationships, and through those relationships, if we are not careful: we just might find God. We survive though – as Individuals, as Jews, as a Community – based on relationships.

I don’t believe that we come to High Holy Day services for interpersonal relationships. Relationship with the Divine, yes. We might connect with friends and relatives and celebrate our relationships, but we tend not to forge new ones in this space during these 10 days. A shiva minyan, on the other hand, is all about relationships. I am always amazed how we can advertise temple programming for weeks in advance, have incredible speakers or movies and only relatively small percentage of the temple population may come and others tell us they never heard of the event after it was over. When we announce a shiva minyan, within a few days – even one day occasionally –immediately people are present. How? Why? Relationships.

We see it during B’nei Mitzvah…people who aren’t normally in services for Shabbat – poof – there they are in the pews. It’s wonderful – really! And I’m not judging…I’m just noticing: Everybody knows when Shabbat prayers are … why come on THAT Shabbat? Relationships. Why come on THIS Shabbat – the Sabbath of Sabbaths? Relationships. And this one is about relationships: You & God. I want us to stretch that topic today.

Our synagogue has not – at least in my time here – sat down, as a collective and thought about what matters to us – as a congregation – let alone hear from one another what matters to each other. When we know one another, we can create and improve our relationships. We can build relational Judaism right here. Right now.

I am proposing that our congregation hold a relational meeting.

Today. In about 5 minutes. For about 5-10 minutes.

On Rosh Hashanah we sat silently.

I received a lot of positive feedback about that. It’s funny how one of the best sermons of the year (well, it was the first sermon of the year) but one of the best was filled with silence. It’s the space between the notes that makes the music just as much as those black dots.

I also received a lot of positive feedback about the mid-service intermission we enjoyed on Rosh Hashanah morning.

So we are going to combine those two things today.

First, we are going to sit quietly and consider what is important to us. We are going to think about our own self-interests. Please note: Self-interest is not the same as selfishness or self-sacrifice. This is not about pursuing our own narrow goals (selfishness) or the other extreme of martyrdom (self-sacrifice). This is about our self-interests. What matters to you – as an individual? What keeps you awake at night … or gets you up in the morning?

The word ‘interest’ from the Latin inter-esse means “to be among”. It is the realization that we are most fully ourselves among others, not isolated above or below the other. Self-interest is the recognition that we and others develop and function best when we realize, “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly.” (The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) So, our truest, deepest self-interest is inherently, inextricably bound up with that of others.

How do we know what someone else’s self-interest is…let alone our own?

We might observe others and try to deduce what we think matters to them. We might ask people in a structured environment and even have a chance to build a relationship. By so doing, we may even find that we have shared interests…or none at all. And we need to sit and think about what matters to us – as individuals.

A relational meeting is a chance to learn: What drives someone? What motivates them? What makes them move and create in the world?

We all have private relationships: with family, friends, and with ourselves. The nature of a private relationship is closed. It is unconditional and intimate. Often the private relationship is based on blood or deep connection and the drive behind it is the need to be liked – and loved.

A public relationship is very different. A public relationship involves increasingly large circles: your job, congregation, civic organization, city, state, national politics … The nature of the public relationship has conditions. It is formal and open for all to see – and discuss. Self-interest (how you are among others) is the glue that keeps the public relationship together. What drives it? The need to be respected.

Can you imagine what our congregation would look like if 100 of us knew 100 other people and their self-interests? We could be so much stronger if we take the time to learn and listen – not to judge either ourselves or others…merely to share and take in.

All those relationships I mentioned earlier from the Bible: they were largely private. Just because we get to read about them, doesn’t mean those relationships are or were public. By the way, the relationships in the Bible are all real – the people might not have been but the relationships absolutely are real. But the laws and moral codes set down in the Torah are about defining public relationships and helping us shape our self-interests.

So, now, first: we are going to sit quietly and contemplate these questions. Choose just ONE to answer and prepare to share with someone your answer(s). You might want to write a few words down to spark a thought. After we have sat quietly, we will share our answers – speaking and listening to one another.  

- What is your passion?

- What keeps you awake at night?

- What gets you up in the morning?

- What is one cry you hear from the world that bothers you?

- What has engaged you at temple, deepening your relationship with God and/or the community?

- Who has inspired you?

- Who has given you courage?

Remember our sitting quietly at Rosh Hashana. Feet on the floor. Prayerbooks to the side. Sitting upright. Breathing. Just breathe. Take a minute to just breathe. Then consider the questions. There is a lot there. Find your breath first. Then choose just ONE of the questions to answer.

5 minutes. Quiet. 1 question only.

Rise with a song – a niggun.

Find someone with the same color page as you. Preferably NOT someone you know or came here with. Make a relational meeting happen here – in the sanctuary, the lobby, even outdoors. Get in groups of 2, 3, max 4.

Talk amongst yourselves. We are going to do what we know from the Torah: how to listen (Shema) and to speak (Dabeir). God spoke to Moses and Moses just listened – without giving judgment or commentary – that came later. And when Moses did speak to God, God just listened without giving judgment or commentary…that came later as well.

Board members will be circulating to listen. They have lanyards on and may write a few things down. Don’t worry – nothing is being recorded and you will be held to nothing you say here today. But we, as a synagogue, may be. 

I’m letting you free – you will have ten minutes. You will return for the most important part: the Debrief.

10 minutes.

Return with a song – niggun.

Highlight some of the comments heard around the room.

From here…line up a relational meeting with a temple member. Go home and call someone. Or find someone in the parking lot.

Later today, you will hear a jazz presentation and creative translation of Genesis 2-4, which I have co-authored with my friend and colleague, Reverend Kelly Carpenter of Green Street UMC. When he was in high school, his father, who was also a preacher, told Kelly, “You know, the Creation Story was never meant to answer the questions about the Universe: What? Where? When? How? Those are for Science. The Creation Story is meant to answer the questions: Who? Why? The “Who” is God. The “Why” is Relationships.

And so Thomas Berry wrote: “Relationships are the primary context of existence.”

I challenged the board last Tuesday to consider where we go from here. This congregation is far greater than the sum total of all of us. This congregation is as great as any one of us – and how any two of us are in relationship with one another.

“When you lose sight of each other as sacred souls on a sacred journey, then you cannot see the purpose, the reason, behind all relationships.” Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God.

May we take the time each day to remember the holy purpose behind all our relationships and build up our community to be a kehillah kedoshah – a holy community built upon creating holiness in relationship.